Some personal reflections after a comment to a recent post (above) on Facebook ….”i dont think these sayings are truthful prove me wrong . i got 4 kids waiting ?”
TAKING A CHANCE /RISK/NEVER BLAME
Without the agonizing pain of heart break I would never have experienced love. Love is a risk but by not taking the risk you will definitely avoid heartbreak but you will also never know what it is to have felt loved and felt an all-encompassing love for another. It is a risk, it hurts when it is over but you learn and you grow, and you remember that you had love and you had someone care and love you even if it was not forever doesn’t mean the experience doesn’t count . Is love worth the risk? There must be something that keeps people taking the risk of love after they have experienced heartbreak. Once love has touched your soul you gain an insight into the possibilities and that in itself is why so many people will take the risk again, sometimes many times because the call of what might be. When you love someone and if conditions are right you find a home for your heart, a loving safe haven. I have learnt to see the risk as a possibility and know I can never attain that possibility without allowing myself to be vulnerable to the risk of loving someone.
Relationships sometimes fail. With the best intentions sometimes they don’t work out. When someone we care for doesn’t treat us right it is easy to blame them and play the game of victim or you can turn it around and ask yourself what in me allowed this in my life. What choices did I make that contributed to this failure of our relationship, where in the relationship did I not honour myself and honour my boundaries, where was I accepting what isn’t acceptable. We can always blame but blame achieves nothing, accepting our part in the mistakes made leads to self -knowledge, arms and equips us to make better choices in future relationships. N.B. This can be applied to any aspect of our lives not just love and relationships. The same principles can be applied to a risky investment that doesn’t turn out, going into business for the first time, no blame involved, you reflect on your choices and you grow a little wiser from learning from your mistakes.
Sometimes life gives us experiences that are confronting, when we just don’t know what to do, we can’t pay our bills, we lose a job, we get evicted, or our primary relationship ends, we worry for all the things we cannot control and we feel alone in the world. We can spend every hour immobilised by worrying, going round and round in circles not knowing what to do. In times like this, can you really say that worrying is going to change things for the better?
Worrying is a loss of power, it achieves nothing except affect our physical, mental and emotional health. It is like chasing your tail and going around in circles.
To change the dynamics of this state we can take action, seek help and actively seek solutions. Nothing is going to change by worrying, it’s like throwing your hands in the air and giving in. Nothing changes until something changes. If worrying doesn’t give you what you want then try something different.
We can’t change things by worrying but the chances of finding a solution is greatly enhanced when we step out of the worry and make calls, ask advice and seek solutions.
For every problem I have experienced in my life, no matter how hard and how many years I have struggled with things, I can truly look back with no regrets. In hindsight, I learnt so much about myself. I have grown so much and found I had more strength than I ever realised. I don’t want to go back to the darker days and I am sure there will be more dark moments to come in my life to, all I know is I will never allow myself to be defeated by life again. Much of my strength comes from the faith that the Universe is benevolent and in this trust I place in a higher power, the Universe responds and provides. That is my experience. The Universal Power always provides, not always how I would have liked things to turn out but I have a belief that what I am experiencing at in this moment serves a purpose (even if I cannot see it yet) and is perfect for me right now. I haven’t always seen what the benefits were when I was in a troubled placed but with time I have looked back and seen how the experience was not only necessary but good for me.
CRY IN THE RAIN & SPEAK OUT LOUD
In order to be totally authentic and to be true to our-selves, it is imperative that we don’t avoid or minimise our feelings.
For most people we have been conditioned to believe that it is not ok to show our emotions or to freely speak our truth. We worry about other people’s reaction more than what is best for ourselves. We sometimes don’t want to burden others with our feelings or we have been trained from an early age that is it not ok or safe to show our true feeling and consequently spend much of our energy in trying to subdue or bury our emotions and what a terrible state we get ourselves into.
How can we have our needs met when we don’t or can’t express ourselves completely and what are the long term consequences to our emotional and physical health? How many times do we not say anything to avoid conflict, avoid rejection or avoid being vulnerable? We can hide in so many places in our modern world. We can use drugs, alcohol, food, use technological distractions such as television, Facebook & computer games, we isolate ourselves emotionally to avoid difficult situations.
How can we really have a life of fulfilment if we edit ourselves and not reveal all that we are to those that matter? No one can really know you for who you are, if you hide from your innermost feeling. It is possible you can do this for so long that in time you could easily forget who you really are and end up being a composite of what you believe is expected of you by others and in that you become out of touch of what makes you really tick.
I say cry not only in the rain but anywhere anytime. It is your birth right to have and own your emotions and who is going to benefit from you hiding your true feeling: certainly not you. And yes, speak out loud, if someone hurts you, are you going to pretend that it is ok? What sort of message are you giving the world by doing this. I am not suggesting that you go out and give everyone a piece of your mind in anger. You can speak out loud and have your voice heard with dignity without ever having to raise your voice. That is more powerful than bellowing at 100 decibels. Speak from the heart always, even if who you are communicating with, does not receive your message, do it anyway. It is only in being authentic (showing our true self) that we can have authentic relationships. The moment we keep hidden aspects of our selves for fear of rejection, have hidden agendas or keep secrets from those close to us, is the moment we build an impenetrable wall that is unconsciously felt by others. This results in incomplete connections with others, what is missing is the real you. No one can really know and accept you if you don’t know and accept you.
What a burden to have to constantly hide our real selves from others because our fear of rejection being the result of our true self showing up in our important relationships. If we want love and acceptance from others, they have to know us and this can only be achieved when we give ourselves permission to “cry in the rain (or any other time) and speak out loud”.